Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I'M WEARING A DOUBLE DD!! denial and dilemma.....

Will the title to this post, get a reaction? Maybe.  I have'nt published many post yet(obviously),but I read all the comments. Comments from my 1st post http://addmsorboth.blogspot.com/2009/08/it-is-add.html have given me the inspiration to continue, and write about things that I think about, that may be of interest to all people with any ADD related symptoms, including people like myself with "Traveling Companions"(other malfunctions..Brain or Body). Soooo here I go>>>>,

I went to my once every 6 mo. appt. for M.S. on Dec. 17th  2010. This time I had a brain MRI right before seeing my Dr. @ the same Hospital complex, next door to the Mercy Institute of Nuerogical Science, where my Dr.s office is. It's easy for me now,because I have had many brain MRI's there, and they give me the pictures shortly after, and I can walk directly to my Dr.'s office with the results. Good News!!...? Not much change in the MRI, and I am (exact words of  my Dr.) maintaining, and have such a great attitude, and a desire to not let this brain disease get the best of me (mentaly).

"What is your dillema(the second "D") then, Scott?" You may ask me. I will answer.> I do not want to "maintain"! I don't truly beleive that I realy have M.S.,(denial? the first "D") and I can make this go away, whatever it is! Look! I have diabetes type 2, and when I found out I had it, I went on a low carb diet, and stop eating anything until dinner. I take 2 metforman a day, and at every Dr.(my GP appt.), my lab tests are great! I weigh 165 lb.s every time, and keep high BPressure under control(2 lisinopryls a day). I am taking Adderal20XR every day 5 A.M. and dealing with the ADD(you be the judge, I can't because I have ADD...LOL). I will take all my meds and be treated for M.S..and all  things untill I can be absolutely sure of any other way to get better.

Denial is an over-used word maybe, for many of us. We are (most of us) not religious fanatics that believe a "Higher Power" will cure us, so we stop taking meds and refuse any type of treatment. That is, in my opinion, suicide! And an unforgivable crime, when the parent of a helpless child does that!

I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do KNOW how it feels to have ADHD/ADD/Adult ADD with "Traveling Companions". And I KNOW that you do too, if you.....(tell your story please).


  1. I can't vouch for your ms, but I can certainly vouch for your other traveling companions. I applaud your control of blood sugar. I'm trying to do the same thing (this is my third week on a low-carb diet.) I applaud your attitude toward ADD.

    Do you really doubt your ms diagnosis, or do you mean that, deep down, it doesn't feel real to you? If there's a chance your doctor is mistaken, is a second opinion possible?

    I haven't been living long with my ADD diagnosis, and there are days when it doesn't feel real. I'm not denying it, but it just seems improbable. I'm nearly 50. I know that I'm lazy, scatter-brained, inept, more or less a failure (I know these things because I've been told these things for so long that the judgement feels right.) How can all of that be explained away so easily, something that's weighed on me for decades?

    I don't want to be ADD. But if I am, I want to accept it.

  2. Thank you Mark for the honest insight you have posted on your blog and mine! The answer to your 1st Question:Yes I some doubts about my own M.S., mainly because of the words, Atypical and Probable, that are in some of the early reports.ProbableM.S. is written on my E.R.Hospt. records, when I had the Atypical seizures, that put me in the ICU 2 times in the same week.There is no doubt,that I had seizures, and almost died.And there is no doubt about all the MRI's I have had(I have copies of every one),and no doubt of brain disease.

    It's kinda like the question: Is there a God? I don't know, and show therefore, I can not honestly say there is not,or there is, when both M.S. and God are not things that can be Absolutly proven to me scientificaly.

    Unlike A.D.D.,that has so many commen symptoms that occur to us, M.S. has many that can occur in other diseases(all of which I have been tested for,that are known to mankind so far) and also different types, RRMS,PRMS,etc..So I guess I am just hoping that maybe I can be the one, that fights hard enough to stop whatever it is.As for a second opinion, no need to, Dr.Pardo is the guy that other Dr.s ask for an opinion. I am still alive and doing better than most patients, with the amount of Leisons in my brain..so I will continue treatment,,but I will not stop beleiving I can beat it.

    Mark, the ADD is believe it or not, worse for me, than the M.S. is. Like you, I realize why I have been so (most the things you said about yourself)all my life. But you and me, and many of us are helping each other with our testimonies and thoughts, just like you have helped me with your comment. We can only do what we can do, if we know why we feel and have felt the way we do. ...Wow! Does that make scence?lol. I ramble on like an ADD'er..LOL